When shopping becomes an addiction

Where is the line between scoring a bargain and a real obsession?

I knew it was a problem when I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

In the morning, I’d scroll through the Promotions tab of my Gmail, looking for the latest deals.

“New styles added to our sale,” an email from Lou and Grey would scream at me. (And yes, it felt like they were screaming!!!)

“Your favorites are now marked down,” so said Anthropologie.

“We’ve debuted a new jean for summer. Your butt has never looked better,” Everlane told me.

The voices from the emails felt just like my friends on the other side of the dressing room curtain as I emerged in a dress that was stylish but out of my comfort zone. “You look amazing,” they’d say, urging me to buy it. And who was I to resist the compliments of my friends?

For the first few purchases, it was just guiltless fun. There were some exceptional bargains, I reasoned, and I did need more loungewear and casual dresses now that I would be working from home for the foreseeable future.

But as time went on, it started to feel out of control. It wasn’t that I was spending too much — no, I am a notorious bargain-hunter, and nothing makes me prouder than responding to a compliment with: “Oh, this? I got this for $10.” It was just that I felt I couldn’t stop myself. As I looked at the clothes online, I felt the familiar high, the endorphin rush, that came from imagining myself in each article of clothing. Would a tiered maxi dress transport me to a European vacation by the sea, nibbling an ice cream cone while wearing strappy sandals? Would a tie-dye loungewear set kickstart me into insane productivity, writing two or three editorials in one day? Who would I be once I bought this latest item? Who could I be? The sky was the limit!!!!

You can see that this manic way of thinking bordered on unhealthy. Maybe using the term “bordered on” is my way of trying to hedge it, because, yeah, part of me is ashamed. I am someone who likes to have aspects of my life deeply controlled — what I eat, how much money I spend, my to-do list. Those aren’t necessarily healthy behaviors either, but there must be some fine line between too much control and too little of it. When it came to shopping, I had definitely crossed it.

I feel like an addict who says, “I can stop anytime I want!” But the truth is, I am partially addicted (even there I’m hedging — partially) and I want to prove to myself that I can stop anytime I want.

My goal for the next two months is to take a hiatus from shopping. But I’ve already taken a too-long hiatus from this newsletter (for a variety of reasons), so I’m not going to stop hitting your inboxes (sorry!!!).

Shopping and fashion are as much about psychology as they are about the clothes themselves. The beauty of shopping is that it gives us a chance to try on different identities. So for the next two months, I’m hoping to explore how shopping and fashion relate to our minds and ourselves!!! I will still hit you up on good sales, because don’t worry, I’ll still be following them. And it will be a good test of my self control to see if I can actually do it.

And for those who found themselves nodding along, thinking, “Yes, this is me,” I put together a small and very informal (read: not backed up with peer-reviewed research) quiz:

Could I be addicted to shopping?

1) Does your heart beat faster when you see new clothes on Instagram or get an email about a sale or right before you’re about to hit that order button on an online purchase?

2) Do you feel triggered by sponsored ads on social media, knowing you’re going to want to buy something?

3) Do you find yourself frequently browsing clothing sites in your downtime?

4) Do you find yourself browsing these clothing sites so often that you think, “Oh, they have no new stuff?”

5) Do you have a running tally in your head of things you want to buy but haven’t bought yet? (say: an iPhone note)

6) Do you have trouble fitting your clothes in your closet? (Now, adjust this for a very small closet, because that might make a difference.)

7) Do you read The Strategist for fun sometimes when you can’t find anything new to browse online?

8) Would you be surprised (in a negative way) to find out how much money you spend on clothes a year?

9) Do you add things to your shopping cart and constantly monitor whether they’ve sold out or not? (And then feel a pang of deep disappointment when they do)

10) Have you ever come back from an in-store shopping trip only to then shop that same retailer online?

If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, congratulations! You may be slightly addicted to shopping. You may just also really like shopping, which is okay, too.

I know this email is a slight departure from the way this newsletter has been in the past, but I wrote it because it’s the kind of thing I wanted to see online. “Addictions” that start with normalized behavior can go unnoticed for quite some time. It’s a blurry line between a college party drinker and an alcoholic. It’s also a blurry line between someone who likes to shop and someone who needs to shop.

As always, much love,

Elizabeth

PS: I would love to add some reporting to these newsletters, so if anyone feels similarly and would like to speak to me anonymously, feel free to respond!